What This Year Had Brought Me. :)

Just a couple of hours before we say goodbye to 2011 and welcome the New Year.

I'll take this chance to thank everyone who had been a part of this wonderful year. Life has been not so easy, as always, but I'm still very grateful that I got to live this life.

January of this year I celebrated my first year anniversary with Christian and despite the ups and downs of this perfectly imperfect relationship, I congratulate myself for staying strong and firm, joke. Fortunately, we get to celebrate our second next week. :)

April this year, I officially received my degree. I believe I've waited long enough for that moment and I tell you that was one of the greatest achievements I got by far.

It was in May that I started 'reviewing' for the board exam. With all the hopes in the world, I pursued for the boards even if most of the time I felt like giving up. I endured six long months of having no 'social life' since the review was held on weekdays. I barely got the chance to watch TV and movies unlike what I did before. I slept 5 hours shorter than what I am really capable of. And most of all, I studied longer than what I never ever did when I was an undergraduate. From these I learned how to manage my time and how to prioritize things. I also learned how to keep my eyes on the goal. I knew how to use my calculator properly and how I can maximize its features and functions. hoho. A very good avenue for new things indeed.

Came July when my dad needed to leave for Kuwait, the saddest part of which was it had to be on my very birthday. I chose not to celebrate as I decided that no celebrations be held before I pass the exam.

And then September stepped on, the longest month of my life so far. I prayed time to tick slow almost every night. During this month, I hardly laughed or had good times. Pressure and fear filled my whole being. Inevitably came the exam days, my only armor were my notebook and a thousand prayers. Two days after, the result was released. Thankfully, I passed. Again, seeing my parents cry the tears of joy was priceless. I realized that making someone proud will make you even prouder. :)

On that very same day, my dad gave me this iPhone 4 as his gift. :) Oh so thank you. :)

Another challenged awaited me after I took my oath last October: the challenge of getting a job. This was never easy. In fact it is never easy. I tried hundred times, literally, applying for jobs appropriate for me. This was the time I claimed and tested God that I will be hired before the month ends. October 28, I was called to report at Johnson and Johnson, Phils.

November 15, my first day of work. I was very happy and thankful for God's faithfulness. But, three days after, a bad news welcomed me upon arriving home. My aunt died because of breast cancer. I never got the chance to treat her on my first pay as I promised her. Well, no regrets because I know and I believe she got saved before she died. Thank You Lord for letting her live a little longer for her to know her Savior.

I got my first cheque this December and again, I thank God for remaining faithful and providing more than enough so that I can bless others as well. :)

This year taught me so much the first of which is being thankful for everything I have and everything I do not. Though there are trials and challenges along the way, faith and prayer proved to be the greatest armor one warrior can have. Plus people who will remain on your side no matter what.

Truly, 2011 seemed to be a very good year to me. But like any other books, it has to end. For some, they will re-open and re-read. For others like me, I would be more than glad and willing to open and read a new one, in the end write my own book.

So, 2012! Let's get it on! :) I welcome you in full armor! :)

Post-Whatever Syndrome.

Ok now, I do not know how and what to call this feeling, this stage right in the middle of school and work. Is this being bum? Oh, that sucks. It. Severely. Sucks. Actually.

My days are labelled: wake up, breakfast, bath, lunch, movie, sleep, wake up, dinner, tv, sleep (Facebook-ing in between). The cycle goes on for two weeks now. And I tell you this isn't good at all. As my hormones enjoy the benefits of the cycle, my neurons, on the other side, are in a state of great chaos, especially when they hear updates on how close Christmas is. Did I mention before that I have a dozen of godchildren already? I'm afraid it would turn 13 before the year ends. I absolutely understand the burden carried by my brain cells. Poor brain cells.

I honestly don't know why is this taking too long, I getting a job. I keep convincing myself that this time of the year is the most inappropriate time to get hired because of those oh-we-aren't-hiring-until-the-year-ends-to-avoid-Christmas-bonuses attitude of the employers. Makes sense? Whatever their reasons are, I don't care. What care about is getting myself a job before Christmas sweep off the remaining balance in my account. Talk about hanging by a thread. Plus, plans of travelling is stacking up the ceiling. I couldn't miss a single flight! :(

And so it is confirmed! I am deeply depressed about what's happening to me, to my plans, to my career. I'm embittered whenever I see tour packages, mall sales, airfare sales and everything! I find it hard to wait. I hardly believe in patience. But I guess I got no other choice than to wait and be patient. Otherwise, I should get up and build my own company, work for it and have myself paid by no other than myself. :| that's weird. This is what self-supporting is all about. 


P.S.

Bi and I decided to go separate ways for the meantime. Oh heart! I'm so sorry for the sudden heartbreak. But I think I should choose between  raging brain cells and bleeding heart. The latter sounds common already so I go for the former. Perhaps we will meet again somewhere someday, when everything is fine. That will be if no other woman is in line, just waiting for this precious time. 

Photo from Tumblr.com

“You say to me goodbye and have a nice life. It’s like cutting butterfly’s wings and telling it to fly.”

No Turning Back.

Yesterday, I, together with Mich, Lady, Jho and Lourdes took the busy and crowded streets of Sampaloc, Manila where the Professional Regulation Commission office is located to file our application for the September Chemistry Licensure Exam. Well, it was actually my second time to be there on my own (I mean without my Mom with me) and so I found it really hard to locate where the place is exactly. Good thing Lourdes and Tita Mi (that's how I call Mich) know how to get there and so we were saved from the possible danger of being lost and worse, getting "fooled" (by that I mean that ignorance of the place is never an advantage). 

We arrived there half past two in the afternoon and my gosh, talk about a really, really crowded place. haha. Lines were endless, (kidding, of course) and people were lost. And so we were. We filled up forms, (many forms) and fell in line. And oh, I was shocked that a mailing envelope there costs 21Php. haha. Too expensive, eh? I wish I brought my paste (glue) because I'm too scared to know that it costs much for its value. I was surprised though, I bought one for only 3Php. 

At last, around 4pm, we were done. Filing an application cost me around a thousand. o_O. I'll have it reimbursed when Papa is home. (That's a week from now. Yipee!) We planned beforehand to look for a dorm or alike to stay in on the day of the exam. For all you know, the Boards is a two-brain-draining-day exam which starts early 7am and ends 5pm. Because of this, we need somewhere to spend the night (the 'how' depends on how the first day turns out). Unfortunately, the exact place of the exam was not yet announced and thus we crossed our plan out. We took pics as souvenir, hoping that we will not be going back there again next year. haha. POSITIVITY IT IS! Tita Mi and Ludy refused to pose and so only the three of us were captured. (Me solo!)

Jho and Madam (Lady) at the PRC Lobby.

Madam took this photo. Thanks to her.

We decided to go to Trinoma instead. Thanks because I'm so dead hungry. Haha. I looked for Sisig Hooray! for I was craving for their chicken sisig since last week. I found them at the food court. And as you all know, eating is my favorite part of the day so I indulged. Buurp. Solved.

                       

We dropped by the National Book Store to buy brown and plastic envelope, and I found an orange pen so I took it too. :) We called it a day and headed home separately. 

On the way home, I realized omg there's no turning back. After the hassle I went through that day, I never wish to experience it all over again. Besides, we promised Manong Guard that we will not come back there if not for the details of oath taking. :) Again, POSITIVITY IT IS! So help us God. 

What's Next?

Well  this is kinda weird wrong that I keep on posting while my PhyChem book was set aside. Truth is, I'm on a break, resting. I should be burying my self on books, Chemistry books for that matter, instead of typing a blog. But not doing this makes me a cragfast learner. I'm not moving on.

As my senses perceive, September is just a blow away. And I couldn't find the right motivation to keep myself reminded of what will happen to me if I fail don't get things right. I had plans you see, and as of now, at this very moment I evaluate myself, plans are all I've got. I got plans, Plans don't got me. Funny.

I constantly think of what lies ahead after that greatest-exam-of-my-life-before-I-enter-the-real-world given that I passed. Two things come into my mind. Work. And the very classic, Work. haha. And the story goes on: I've got a stable job with a relatively high salary, and by that I mean amounting to something more than enough to suffice my wants needs, I've got to travel anywhere I want without hesitations, eat whatever I want until my tummy aches, party all night with friends, and buy the things that will make me happy at a cost. Perfect! And then the clock ticks, omg it's past 4 and I haven't even gone through page 4 of this book!

I realize how will I be able to have this perfect fantasy in my hands if fantasizing is all I do. Pathetic isn't it? I keep building dreams but do nothing to reach them. I seem to be an architect of dreams unemployed, that's being useless. And yes, I feel useless almost everytime since I stepped up on the stage to receive my diploma. Seeing my highschool and college friends putting their work position on Facebook makes me jealous, and more jealous. I can't stand waiting anymore. Waiting for that perfect job and company to seek me. I'm tired waiting, but I'm not doing anything.

Until I saw this picture on Tumblr (by the way, my account is kayedeecarl.tumblr.com), it hit slapped me on the face. REAL HARD.

From http://blog.bufferapp.com

Wake up stupid little ME! The future is neither coming nor waiting for you. You  I will be coming into the future whether I like it or not. There's nowhere to go but to the next exit. What matters most is how ready I am for the future. Because it has always been ready for me. People make their future. So I will make my soon-to-reach future my way: perfect.

Through Him all things were made; without Him nothing was made that has been made. 

-- John 1:3 (NIV)

And so, I'll end this post and publish it, put my laptop down and grab my PhyChem book and calculator. :)) See you next time guys. Soon in the future. :)

when love is as ______ as _______.

Forever. And always. 

I always thought love would be as easy as ABC given that there is reciprocation.

Reciprocation. And mutuality.

I have fought hard for this sinking love ship to still sail into the future.

In this point in time, I might give up.

It is not that reciprocation is absent, it's just that reciprocation is so overwhelming.

It has gone beyond the limit.

Over-possession. Obsession. 

Jealousy. Doubt. Distrust. Untruthfulness. 

These are absolutely murderers.

Like a cancer slowly ruining a relationship.

Bringing dumbness and boredom.

And worst,  tiredness.

I wish love would be easier to understand.

Like a river continuously runs into the sea.

Like the rain pouring on a beautiful August day.

Or the sun shining on the month of May.

I love you. 

But love does not seem to always to be enough.

Love and Trust should go hand in hand.

Love is not love without Trust.

Trust is not trust without Love.

If love can be as sweet as an ice cream has always been,

then who can resist being in it?

If love can be as soft as a pillow to hug on a stormy night,

then who can ever refuse it?

But then again, life is always never  enough.

There are expectations but there will never be perfections.

Only reality.

And it is true, at least sometimes.

TRUTH HURTS.

and

REALITY SUCKS.

Welcome me. Welcome you.

hi there!
it's been a long while since i last wrote up a blog.
*the last heartache dated so so so back then, that's why. hihi*

i now welcome you to my new blog site where i will post much of my everyday experiences.
feel free to read, comment, suggest or anything that will help me improve this site.

hola and enjoy!